TraCes of My LiFe

Allah i know these will make me stronger than before. I am sure and i really believe that you love me.I know Allah will give you the best.But sometimes it is too hard for me. i don’t know what to do.Maybe  I have made many mistakes. Like to my grandmother, i became a really bad grand children.I never treat her good. I really regret all the bad things I have done. Forgive me Y Allah. I know i am not a good person. but right now I feel guilty. I know all the bad things happen to you comes from something that you have done.And i hope what happen to me not bcoz my sin to my grandma.I hope she had already forgiven me.I realize i never be a good person to anybody.I even don’t know how to treat the person i love right.God forgives me.Please make me stronger.Give me a huge patient to face all these.I am begging on You Allah.I know You always watch me.Allah will always loves me.   

Trying to be a person who are not you are is completely difficult.  what the hell!! sometimes i try to be a good but nobody respects me, and sometimes noone understands me. They judge me to be succh kind of person who are completely not me. I don’t know but the way they interprete me is completely wrong, try to console yourself is becoming wrong also.

18 march 2008

I feel absolutely inconsole here. It seems that no  one hears me, no one can  listen to me just for a while. Maybe people can say that i am happy here, i can laugh all the times. Deep inside i am depressed, my heart fills with emptiness. i want to run far away from here. but i can’t because it is my life. i have decided to be here. Am i too greedy to want all the good things around me? i feel one part of my life just left somewhere and i really want to take it back. Allah SWT please show me the way.  Here i just can see all the thing that i can’t control. i could’nt find things that can make my life full with passion. when i used to be before i am here. Truly from the buttom of my heart it is too tiring to keep all of  pains inside.  and there is no place where i can share this pains. Would you like to listen to me just for a while??????????

After canceling my intention to make this blog finally I’ve made it.
After passing last year with all my doubt decision n my life.Finally i can get what i really want. Actually i never expected this before i can find this solution,I am afraid i live with regretting my decision.Through my life i know i am not a person who is good in making decision. But i  won’t let it happen once again.
I just wanna focus on reaching my dream. I live to make it to be true.